Di ko maikakaila ang pag-aalala
Na sa tuwi-tuwina’y dala-dala
Nangangamba, nangangamba
Na baka mapahamak ka

Dapat sarilinin ko na lang
Kayrami-rami mong pasan-pasan
Baka lalo ka pang mabibigatan

Itatago ko ang aking kaba
At ikukubli ang pangangamba
Ngunit sa dilim

Ay napapansin mo ang takot ko

Ang dinadaing koy para sa iyo
Ang unti-unting matutunan ko
Paano mahalin

Paano mahalin ang katulad mo

Di ko maikakaila ang pag-aalala
Ngunit di ba mas mahalaga
Ang dinggin ka, intindihin ka,
Samahan ka sa bawat pasya

Paano ba ako makakagaang
Paano ba ako makakatuwang
Paano kung ako ay nasasaktan

Itatago ko ang aking kaba
At ikukubli ang pangangamba
Ngunit sa dilim

Ay napapansin mo ang takot ko

Ang dinadaing koy para sa iyo
Ang unti-unting matutunan ko

Paano ba ako makakagaang
Paano ba ako makakatuwang

Paano mahalin ang katulad mo

from Lean Musical, sung by Cooky Chua

Being one of the top ten students of my graduating class (Naks!) I was invited to be a delegate for the League of Extraordinary Admired Pilipinos (LEAP 2006). It’s one of the most worthy congregation that I’ve been into and I felt honored to take part in this activity. Big minds are all in that day and idealism is in the air. I remembered what I wrote in the manifesto. I told them that I’m going to stay in the country and study more so that I could become a filmmaker. I’ve always believed then that what I can contribute in my own land is the art that I’ve never known I could ever try.

Before we part, this music video was played. I was surprised that it was in YouTube. It shows the Millennium Development Goals. Enjoy!

Perfect is boring. When you lived this life without experiencing pain, grief, sorrow, anger or anything that wandered through negativeness, life is boring. When life bombards you with pure bliss, when the world introduce you to nowhere but the idea of happiness and glee, life is never lived. And I’m even thinking that life of pure happiness is sorrow in itself because happiness without the concept of sorrow destroys the concept of happiness. Pure happiness is blank because there’s no point of comparison. How will you know that you’re happy when you haven’t experience sorrow at all? Or grief? or pain?

It pays to be masochist to live this life. Life is painful and embracing pain is the only way to survive. It pays to be intellectual but to be intellectual tends you to overanalyze things so much that thinking is in itself painful. Controlling emotions is much painful, especially in this life where people command you to have composure, to have control and when you have the ability to control, you are good because you know how to hide yourself. You have to be delighted if you experience pain because that makes you human and being human is all that you can embrace. Being human makes us, and our unpredictability is something that we can enjoy. Or at least, cherish.

To be human is accepting the complications and accepting that these complications will lead you to more complications. It’s a never ending cycle until we are planted in the soils of this world. Life is a very mysterious piece and accepting its mystery is mystery in itself. Choosing to live the pain is the greatest mystery of all.

A man in a slim-fit shirt with printed bold letters “PINOY” in the middle, is seen walking in a mall. The shirt is adorned with simplicity, with no designs other than the letters screaming in his chest. The man traversed along the air-conditioned paths, pulled his mobile phone and went straight to a Starbucks coffee shop nearby, to meet up with friends whom he hasn’t met probably one or two days ago. Their conversation seems to raise interest among the group as indicated on their incessant laughter and faces of approval. However what put them in the limelight are their loud, excessive twangs. It would produce a mix of reactions: some would look up at them, label them as intelligent set of human beings who can talk a topic in a language which a lot of people is struggling to learn. On the other hand, some would irk at them, accuse them as if they are trying hard to blend themselves into the Western culture.

It’s just sad to learn how other nations have been striving very hard to preserve their identity, while we, Filipinos, are willingly, or even proudly, to throw our own. It’s even sadder that even the thought of advocating Filipino Pride is bound to truckloads of contradictions with the proliferation of foreign elements almost permanently revolving around us from what the media is showing us to the nature of work we are in. Possibly, the thought of veering ourselves away from our own identity prevails that it delivers us from economic hardship. Thus, one would resort limited in the showcasing of Filipino pride by wearing it as slogans in his/her wardrobes.

This article might sound very pessimistic on where the Filipinos stand in this what others already consider a borderless world. We lack identity, or if not, we hardly have the knowledge of what comprises our identity is as a Filipino. It’s easy to say that one is proud of one’s nationality while at the back of his/her mind is the spring of hope that they could escape away of this country for greener pastures. It’s not that there has to be a stigma against people who aspire to work abroad, it’s considerable upon the fact that there hardly can be a choice, which makes this search for self-identity and hopes of preservation it, become more depressing. Some might have this sense of pride after all, but the limitations force them not to.

(One should not also assume that every Filipino who speak foreign languages will always be condemned as anti-Filipino. There is always a noticeable line between properly using them on the right time at a right place without letting loose of one’s own heritage and just plain trying hard.)

Here comes the issue of the Filipino’s role as inhabitants of the world, as we have responsibilities to our country. One will be referred as a global citizen in his/her pursuit to work for the benefit of the world. According to Yazufumi Ueda in her essay, Creating a Society of Global Citizens, “a global citizen thinks and acts globally and locally and his/her conviction is based on living people’s benefit. This is not based on nationality or religion but one’s value as a human being.” This statement may sound very idealistic but important. Then another question has to be raised: how could one be a good citizen of the world whereas he/she can’t take the role as a proud citizen of his/her homeland? It is imperative to be considered as a global citizen to be a good citizen of his homeland, and separating these two literally conjoined entities in terms of idea will be impossible.

Going back to the man in the shirt anecdote in the beginning of this article. The man wears a statement: a statement of pride of his heritage. Then he started talking in a manner which ultimately detached him away from the statement everyone assume he’s portraying. Of course, one would debate that a shirt will always be just a shirt, but one has to consider how message is being conveyed even through small things like a ballpen. In this sense, the man may be proud of his nationality but was trapped on the notion of what he feels is more acceptable to other people.

Filipinos are born with a number of outside elements that pull him away from his culture. He/she is constantly reminded of what is acceptable or not to the eyes of the society by what he/she observes in everyday life, putting the Filipino in a position where he/she sets a standard in doing things, whether it is simple or complex, regardless of how bad it would tarnish his/her own identity.

In totality, global citizenship will remain very idealistic in nature, although it is possible. What can the Filipinos contribute to the world is their individual concerns. It’s very difficult how the Filipinos and to be fair – and other nations – would work hand and hand especially that individual citizens were overpowered by those who are at the top and each single group has its own bundles of issues that have to be solved. The idea of global citizens will always be individualist in nature.

Two books that I bought last Monday at the Powerbooks Megamall:

My third Kikomachine Komix comic book! And I finished it one sitting with my mouth wide open. Reading this book is the best workout ever. I laughed so hard that I developed abs. I believe this is the best among the Mannix Abrera’s three collections and I’ll be reading it again. I only read it twice. And I want my books to be signed! Calling Mannix…

For something serious. I haven’t read this one yet. I’ll be lifting this only after I finished reading this very good novel:

I just lifted this from Brian’s bookshelf and I became interested after learning that it won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction last 2005. And I can figure why. I’m not yet the novel’s midway but I can’t explain my excitement as I read through the lines. I’ll write a review of this novel after I finished reading this.

A lot has happened for the past three months that I haven’t had the chance to blog them.

I resigned from my first job where my heart has been attached very badly. I vowed not to work for an office for a certain period of time.

I entered a Korean film production as propsmaster and set decorator, entered a relationship, but left myself torn between two persons, ended one relationship in very good terms then entered a new one. I am happy now.

I wrote a full length screenplay about a story set in Siquijor as a final project for my Film Scriptwriting class under Mr. (”The”) Armando Lao. Struggled for three months to squeeze out the juices of my brain to write a story to a place where I haven’t set my foot into. I got a 1.00.

I made a textual analysis using gay theory and queer theory for Carlo Vergara’s critically and commercially acclaimed graphic novel, “AngKagila-gilalas na Pakikipagsapalaran ni Zsazsa Zaturnnah” as a final requirement for my Media, Gender and Sexuality class under Dr. Betsy Enriquez. I consider this as one of my most significant researches because it gave me a complete 180-degree turn on how to write a research paper and properly put, the subject matter is very close to my heart. I have the chance to interview Mr. Vergara, himself and read kilometric readings about gay, queer theories and social constructionism. My biggest thanks to J. Neil Garcia whose works have been a very important help to my project. I got a 1.25 in this subject and I’m very proud that I have plunged and challenged myself to write something like this. If I’ve convinced myself, I will post my final paper here.

Quite frustrated though that I failed to meet the GWA cut off requirement that could have made me a University Scholar for the first semester. Oh well, CS is still good, but I could have done better. Suck that other subject. Urgh. I should have enrolled to another one. That ruined my record.

I decided not to enroll for a production class and replaced it with Political Economy of Media. I can’t handle two production subjects in one semester because of a number of factors. It’s been a mind trick for me what subject to let go between Experimental and Documentary. I decided to stick with the former because I value pure creative control.

I just felt that this condensation of events is very awkward. I just don’t have the effort of typing my written journal and besides, I think they are all too personal to share. Tidbits are enough.

One drink
Will shrink you ’til you’re underground
And living down
But it’s not going to stop
‘Til you wise up

– Aimee Mann’s “Wise Up” from Paul Thomas Anderson’s Magnolia

Congratulations to the winners of Cinemalaya!

Best Picture - Jim Libiran (Tribu)*

Jury Prize - Jade Lopez, Ned Trespeces, Michiko Yamamoto (Endo)

Best Actor - Tribu’s ensemble of non-professional actors
Best Actress - Ina Feleo (Endo)
Best Sound - Marc Laccay (Tribu )
Best Cinematography - Rodolfo Aves (Kadin)
Best Screenplay - Dennis Marasigan, Nikki Torres and Mara Marasigan (Tukso)
Best Editing - JD Domingo (Endo)
Best Musical Score - Jerrold Tarog (Kadin)
Best Production Design - Martin Masadao, Regie Regalado, Dante Garcia, Endi “Hai” Balbuena (Pisay)
Best Director - Aureus Solito (Pisay)

SHORTS

Best Short Feature - Alvin Yapan (Rolyo)
Special Jury Prize - Enrico Aragon (Nineball)
Best Direction - Emmanuel dela Cruz (Gabon)
Best Screenplay - Vic Acedillo (To Ni)

* Congratulations to Jim Libiran and the producers of Tribu for bagging the Best Picture award. Tribu is actually Libiran’s thesis for the Master of Arts in Film program at the UP Film Institute. He is yet to defend it to receive the degree. As a fellow MA Film student (also in UP), Jim gave me the boost. I’m really looking forward to my thesis.

This is an article about Jim Libiran:

Nanghihinayang nga si Jim Libiran, bagong direktor ng pelikula at kasalukuyang pinuno ng Public Affairs ng Channel 5 sa hindi niya pag-aaral sa Mowelfund ng filmmaking pero naka-enroll siya ngayon sa programang Master of Arts in Film sa UP Film Institute.

Gayunman, nakapasa ang iskrip ni Jim sa ikatlong Cinemalaya Film Festival para sa Cultural Center of the Philippines na ipapalabas sa July. Ang kanyang nanunuot-sa-laman-at-utak na digital film, ang Tribu ay napili ng inampalan para bigyan ng budget na P500,000 at dito ay nagpapasalamat siya bagamat abonado pa rin siya ng P750,000 para maipalabas nang mas maganda ang kanyang obra.

Ang inaabangang Tribu ay tungkol sa mga gang sa Tondo. “Tunay na mga gangster ang bida ko rito pero kasama rin ang anak nina Irma Adlawan at Dennis Marasigan pati ’yong isang member ng Tropical Depression. Exciting ang humawak sa mga taga-Vitas, Tondo para paartehin sa pelikula,” pahayag ni Jim na unang lumikha ng usap-usapan nang sulatin niya kasama ang isa pang peryodista na si Tonypet Rosales ang Xerex na serye sa Abante.

Umigting ang pagnanasa ni Libiran na maging filmmaker nang siya ay reporter pa lang. “Na-cover ko ang Vitas, Tondo at naging exposed ako sa mundo ng kabataang gangsterismo. Iba sila. Talagang makulay ang buhay nila kaya I was inspired by it. Tinandaan ko ang kuwento nila kaya nang gumawa ako ng project for my MA sa UP, ito ang ginawa ko. Actually, extended academic film project ang Tribu sa Cinemalaya.”

Propesor ni Jim si Armando “Bing” Lao at nang mabasa nito ang dulang pampelikula ng estudyante, namilog ang mga mata ng guro sa pananabik at sinabing maganda ito, puwedeng isali sa mga kompetisyon na siya ngang ginawa ni Libiran.
Ora mismo, nagustuhan ng mga hurado ang iskrip kaya lang ay may humamon sa kanya na isang intelektuwal: “Ang iskrip ay hindi pa pelikula kaya kailangang patunayan mo sa paggawa nito na maganda talaga ang iskrip mo.”

Kaya nakiliti at naitulak ang kanyang imahinasyon sa mas malawak na mundo ng paggawa ng pelikula.

Sinabi ni Jim na baka hindi maaprubahan ng Movie and Television Review and Classification Board ang kanyang obra maestra dahil matindi ang karahasan nito at may seksuwal na mga tagpo na sukat ikaangat ng kilay ng mga konserbatibo at tradisyunal kabilang din ang mga reaksiyunaryo.

“Pero pinatunayan ko sa pelikula na nagbabago ang masasama. Kahit na mga sanggano ang mga artista at ang kuwento nila, mararahas, masasama, pumapatay—kung hinahamon at minamaliit at niloloko—may pagkakataon na magbabago sila para bumuti kung pakikisamahan at uunawain sila,” sabi ni Libiran.

Si Lino Brocka anya ang kanyang impluwensiya.

Sana ay magtagumpay si Jim sa kanyang bagong pinasok na propesyon kahit na mabato at baku-bako.

Article grabbed here.